If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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