I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
