Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
