Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
