i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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