Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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