im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
