Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
