I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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