You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
