so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
