Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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