You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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