i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
