I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
