I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
