Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
