Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
