You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
