Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
