Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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