He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
