I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
