we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
