If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You took a bar mat shot.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
