yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
