TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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