Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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