after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
