3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
