Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
