Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
