the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
false alarm, still single
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize