The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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