Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
