i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
