DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
