Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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