mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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