I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
