last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
