Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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