You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
