During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
