somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
