dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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