You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
