so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize