i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
