My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
tell me about the fingering
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
