Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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