i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
