The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
