Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my shit smells like andre
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
