speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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