listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
