the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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