Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
