we made out on top of his cat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
