I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
