He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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